"The Willingness To Keep Learning is, I Think, The Most Important Thing About Trying To Be Good At Anything."

Four months of my little. I just can't believe it. There is so much I want to share about the first four months as a first time Mom, the first four months of my babe and how's she's grown and changed. So we will see where this post takes us.
 
That's my beautiful blue eyed cutest toosh four month old. She is healthy and growing entirely too fast! Weighing 14.5 pounds and 24.5 inches long. But how did we get here? Where have the last four months gone?  I'd have to say from the bags under my eyes and the love exploding out of my heart, they were real. It feels like just yesterday G and I were on our way into the hospital to have this little bundle of love.

I'd like to share some valuable things I've learned so far, in these four quick months. 

1. 

Be you, as in live through whatever parenting style works for you and your family. The books, the articles, read them if you so wish, for ideas not for comparisons and certainly not to live by.  Wear your baby, stroll your baby, sleep with your baby, put your baby in a crib, cloth diapers/ disposable diapers just keep your baby's cute little toosh dry, feed your baby, by all means just love your baby the way you want to. Believe in yourself and your ability to be a parent. It takes awhile (to me anyway) to really feel you are doing the best possible. 

2. 

I know we have heard this again and again, but all babies are different. Don't compare your baby to others- your baby will reach milestones exactly when he/ she should. People have come over and felt the need to share how so and so is already sleeping through the night, or how they are fine with other people other than their parents or make comments such as 'is that normal for that age?'- smile nod and move along. After trying to defend myself and baby a few times, it just was becoming wasted oxygen and silly talk. G helped me with just being able to nod, maybe crack a smirk and let it go. 

3. 

You're doing just perfectly. Golly, some days I think to myself- am I doing a good enough job for her, is she getting everything she needs!? The answer, most of the time was and is- yes, yes and yes. 

4. 

Babies cry. Well mine did and does. Loudly. Whenever she wants. And I'm slowly learning it's okay, as long as she is okay. At first I was so concerned people were going to judge me for having a baby that cried a lot- 'oh that baby isn't happy' or 'what's wrong with your baby' or 'I can't believe that mother can't get her child to calm down.'  My baby cries and fusses and I'm learning that- she's just fine. And I'm also learning that- people are going to judge A LOT. Who cares what they think- I know much easier said than done, but I find when I'm not thinking about what other people are going to think- I'm in a much happier stress free state of mind. 

5. 

Poop (your babies of course) becomes the determining factor on whether or not you have a worry free day. Although, I must say it has gotten better. I remember around month 2- it's like I'd wait and wait for her to poop, and if she didn't I'd start thinking something was wrong- sometimes something was but only time and cuddles would fix it. I remember texting my girlfriend a picture of McKennas poop once (can't wait to tell her that when she's older) and we were joking how this is what our life has come to- Instead of pictures of frozen margaritas followed by a 'come and help me drink this' text- they are pictures of poo followed by a 'please tell me this looks normal' text. Oh the joys, but now, you wouldn't have it any other way. 

6.

Everybody is going to tell you how to raise your child. EVERYBODY,  strangers, people with no children, people with ten children, kids, neighbors, family, friends, politicians, robots, the cashier at your local supermarket-  Some with best intentions, others because they like to hear the sound of their own voice. You'll hear comments like, 'isn't your baby cold in that?' Or 'you have to let them cry or they'll never learn' (learn what!?) , or 'have you tried this, I'm sure you're baby will love it, mine did.'  oh we all know this and the list goes on. Let it go in one ear and out the other (I'm still working on this skill). Then there will be those people that are just there for you, they don't tell you what you should be doing, they just let you do your thing and offer a helping hand when in need. I'm never bashville to ask for ideas/ advice, I need it! And I'm open to them very much so- But when people are always telling you, well- it gets a little blah. Just blah. 

7. 

Enjoy every second. It's hard to enjoy an 1130pm, or 1am, or 2am, or 3am or really anytime screaming session- but as I hold and rock my squirming little, I'll know I'll never have this exact moment with her again. And it calms me enough to get through this minuscule period of time. I live for her toothless wide open smiles, her high pitched screeches and silly giggles, her coos and little kicking legs, her warm body snuggled into my neck. I also live for changing her diaper, soothing her so, talking and doing these absurd things to get her to stop crying, laugh or smile. I enjoy her entirely, I enjoy everything about becoming a mother, it truly is a blessing, things get messy often, frustrating yes- but a true blessing.

8. 

Worry. Some moments it's all I do. I'm learning to live with this new cloud of worry constantly over my head.  But it never shades or interrupts my enjoyable moments with her- I worry and keep on. I made a post on asking for suggestions about the worrying and I'll share some of what people shared with me ... 

"I always ask myself a few questions...

1. What is my true concern/ worry? 

2. Is there anything I can do to fix/change this worry?

      If yes what?

3. Is the worry age, situation appropriate? 

         What is the worse case situation?

         What's the best case situation?

         What's the realistic situation? 

4. Am I worried/concerned enough I feel the need to seek professional assistance?

Sometimes the situation is simple enough I can do it in my head...other issues I write everything down. After I go through the questions I ether have a plan to easy the worry/fix the situation or I force myself to let it go (easier said than done) if the worry comes back into my mind I remind myself of the conclusion I came to earlier and force my mind/or body onto a different topic

As everyone has mentioned you are doing your best...and as a mother worry is part of the job..."

"Mother =worry. ...sorry thats the job ♡ all will be well..because she is loved"

"Sweetie,  it will never go away.  Go with your instincts.  Listen to what she let's you know in her precious baby way."

"Ellen, even at 26 and 28 you still worry about your children. Just have faith and believe it will be fine."

"Have another kid! It makes it easier! You will wonder why was I so crazy about everything the first time! Plus you already know you make cute kid! You got this girl! 😘"

"Dear Ellen, go look in the mirror.  You survived your childhood!  So did all of us and we were exposed to all kinds of germs and accidents.  We bumped our heads, scraped our knees, drank out of the hose and lived to tell about it.  There will be tears, fevers, runny noses and trips to the doctor, but as one nurse told me years ago when I had my beautiful baby girl, the fact that you're concerned puts you ahead of so many others there's no doubt you already are a marvelous mother.  Deep breath, and go kiss your sweet child, because these years will be a distant memory before you know it and you'll both survive quite nicely."

"It's our job to worry! It is very hard not to. Your a momma, and if you're worried, that makes you a great momma!"

"I worry all day every day and always go through worst case scenarios. Except for what I look like... Haha ain't nobody got time for that. You're doing great!!"

"I was the same way, her little phases had me so worried too. I find it just keeps getting better as she gets older. However, you know we will always be worried."

"Talk it out! It's always nice to hear other people stories and know you're not the only one. And write in a journal! Helps me! :)"

"Oh Ellen I did and still do worry. You have to trust your gut....and have to remind yourself that you are doing a wonderful job. I look at Gavin and he is happy and growing and well cared for and loved....you do the best you can at the moment. Take deep breaths and trust yourself! You are doing a great job!😘"

"I was the same way the whole first year. It gets better..I still worry ... Just not about every little thing.  I think as a mom you never stop worrying ☺️❤️"

"The worries never go away, take each day one step at a time :)"

9.

Appreciate your partner. I have never loved my significant other so much. Yet, it's a hard time to show him. Your focus is baby, baby, baby. As it should be. But do I love my man like I have never before. He's so exceptional in every way. I make sure to still write him love letters, and occasionally get to those yummy chocolate chip cookies. I'm sure I love him more than he knows. But don't let your little gestures slip away- these times are when they are needed the most! 

10. 

The Internet CAN BE a great resource, and not just for online shopping! Yes of course avoid all the disastrous stories. But it's a great support to make it known you're not alone. My step mother and I were having this conversation awhile ago.  I'll type something in and I'll find forums and blogs with mommas going through a similar struggle. Everyone told me, when all else fails put your baby in the car seat and drive- but what if you're baby hates the car seat. Because let me tell you, little miss is not a fan.  And you find parents with babies that hate the car seat- to think you were the only one. Or breastfeeding support, online was a great resource to read  success stories and the challenges and struggles. Social media to see other parents and struggles, happiness and motivation.  I truly believe if used correctly the Internet can be a wonderful and helpful resource. 

11. 

Understanding. My understanding and empathy for moms has grown deeper than I ever thought imagineable. I'm sure like a lot of things in life, motherhood you don't truly have an understanding of- until you're right in the middle of it. When all those moms used to say 'you'll see'. Ha! And now I'm thinking in my head, 'you'll see!' Funny how that works. The screaming child, the mom on her phone, the mom that couldn't make it out for drinks and dinner with her girlfriends, the kids on electronics,  the silly kid accidents. How I used to say 'that'll never be my child' or 'I'll never do that as a parent.' Well, let's just leave it as my understanding has taken on a whole new depth. I still have strong believes in the way I'm going to raise my child (ren) of course but no more is the infant screaming a look at the mom with a terrified look, but a shared smirk and understanding, it's actually a pretty awesome connection- who would have thought!

12.

Breastfeeding has been an incredible journey in an emotional, mental and physical sense. I didn't think much about it when I was pregnant, just figured yea, I'd give it a shot, heck it beats paying for food. Little did I know all the other benefits and the challanges. Now I'm researching breast milk, reading success stories and struggles and loving every part of it. Never did I think I'd breastfeed in public either, but with a little piglet that's eats practically ever hour, I got over that fear real quick. I do have to say, having a partner that supports you in this the way mine has supported me has been key to my success. 

Okay! I'm sure there is so much more. But these stick out in my experience so far. I've learned so much these past four months, I can only imagine how much more I have to go. But I'm finally starting to feel pretty comfortable. Just when that happens, I'm sure things will get switched up on me.

A few special pictures from the moment my little was born until now, 4 months later, whew!